Mojo Went a-courting

100 years of a slow, slow drip
Would that hurt if it fell on me?

 How people meet and fall in love can sometimes be an interesting, funny or embarrassing story.

Given that the name of the blog is Daddy Mojo, and not single guy on the corner mojo, you know that the story had a happy ending.  However, I’ll share a quick story that, were we at a party together my Wife would be quick to tell you herself.  This way I can get credit for telling the story while sanitizing it just a bit to save my dignity. 

Five square feet of plaster would hurt if it fell on you, yes.

These pictures are what used to be my old house-after it was renovated.  It really is an old house, built in 1908 and partially renovated by me, everything except the ceilings, subfloor and roof, you know, the expensive stuff.   

 Being a single guy I didn’t have too much in the way of creature comforts that would woo the women. 

I did have:

  • A futon
  • A nice mountain bike
  • A lawn mower
  • Lots of power tools
  • A sofa and television
  • A couple plates, glasses and utensils
  • Two cats
  • One Dog

“Creature comforts” is an apt phrase.  The animals were used to sleeping in the futon with me.  I found it comforting when the cats would sleep on my feet, but they just seemed to wake her up.  So the animals only lasted one night when girlfriend mojo entered the picture.   The futon was placed on the floor, not on a bed frame; and you’ll note that a vacuum cleaner wasn’t included in my list of assets, so there was no shortage of pet fur anywhere in the house. 

One spring day I cleaned the house by opening up all the doors and windows and plugging in the leaf blower.  My neighbor said that he saw “plumes of fur” flying out of the house and wondered what was going on. 

The sofa and television were in the living room.  This was one of the few rooms that had an intact ceiling…

The rest of what I owned was in the living room, that’s the green room with the 10 foot section of plaster missing and a larger section of it dangling down.    The living room was a certified disaster and I credit (now) Mommy Mojo for not running away forever. 

  1. The section of plaster that fell down happened one night with a thunderous boom.  I was thankful that it didn’t fall down on an animal and promptly cleaned it up the next day.
  2. So now the living room looks like a wasteland, heat or air goes immediately into the attic and there is always the threat of being knocked unconscious by a piece of plaster dangling from the ceiling.
  3. The lawn mower was also kept in that room.  To me it was no big deal, but Mommy Mojo apparently had a huge fear of spontaneous combustion.  The short term solution was to move it to the laundry room, I suggested killing all the grass, but she didn’t like that idea too much either.

I’m guessing that the 18 pound boy in the other room means that she forgave me for the lawnmower in the dining room.  One lesson that we’ll teach Baby Mojo is to be clean, girls don’t (normally) tolerate messy guys, at least not to the extent that I was.  Daddy Mojo has cleaned up his act much more so than I was, the car is still a bit in progress, but the house is enough to be presentable.   

We do still have the problem with pet fur, but now we have a vacuum cleaner, so we don’t need to bring the leave blower inside.

Five little monkeys

One little monkey, sitting on a sign...
Does this sandwich I'm eating make me look fat?

 While I was teaching ESL I was a master of children’s songs.  Itsy Bitsy, How’s the Weather-all of them I could bust out at a moment’s notice when the crowd started to get fussy.   

One of the classics I discovered was Five Little Monkeys.  No doubt you parents know this song, but if you don’t it can certainly calm down one irritable toddler.  In a classroom setting this song is great because it’s active, the children can yell, jump and move around.     

The other day little Jake, all 18 pounds of him was in a tizzy.  A full blown, teething mess of baby that could not be quelled by any of the usual tricks.  The Wheels on the Bus were just coming off and I reached into my pocket and started Five Little Monkeys.   

 Immediately we had success!  The red faced, 10 octave, screamapiller had been replaced by the baby who can make any parent melt.     

All was good and well, baby meltdown averted (or at least curtailed) and we were clear to proceed to bedtime.   My parenting genius affirmed and thankful for my mad rhyming ability I sauntered downstairs to relax.  

Come the next morning I get out of bed and notice a newfound tenderness to my groin.   In my zeal to maintain the monkeys jumping, i.e., me lifting up the baby and bringing him down on my lap; I realized that I may have been a bit too forceful in his descent.   

While there weren’t any baby sized foot prints or bruises on my lower stomach, thighs or groin; I immediately knew that his teeny, tiny feet had pounced one too many times in a geographically sensitive area.   

The lesson for this Stay At Home Dad:  Be gentle when singing Five Little Monkeys if you want to have any more little monkeys.   

Also, get familiar yourself with a greater variety of children’s songs-I’m a Little Teapot, Itsy Bitsy, etc.   We still do Five Little Monkey, just a bit slower, with his feet touching the sofa or ground, instead of dad.

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