Daddy Mojo at the Movies

Red One falls between many cracks to the land of cinematic coal

Our wheelhouse has a litmus test called the Christmas Music (or Movie) test. In brief, people are more forgiving, and artists are more apt to create projects when they are centered around Christmas. The cynic says that it’s a built-in holiday audience that will create traditions around a song or a movie. The artists will say with a straight face that they’ve always loved the holiday and are out to entertain the kids. There are some songs or movies that are wonderful regardless of their Santa inclusion and those creations pass the Christmas Movie (or music) test. Red One is a Christmas movie, does it pass this test?

Red One is in a North Pole-sized ditch and fails as an action movie, Christmas movie and feel-good flick, falling short in each metric.

Come sleigh away, come sleigh away,

Despicable Me 4, rote minion and baby hijinks for ages 8-13

Adding a baby to the cast of characters in a sequel is the canary of intellectual property death. The most obvious offender for us is Muppet Babies, but there have been many others. Angel, Murphy Brown, Friends are the first ones that rip off of the top of my head. And while casual fans of those shows or the movies that have hit that creative dearth might struggle to remember the specifics, they can vaguely recall that entry as the one with the baby. Despicable Me 4 is the one with the baby and lest there be anyone who didn’t suspect that’s a major plot point, there’s a baby on Gru’s back on the DVD’s cover. One of the minions is beside him, channeling its best yellow-Men-In-Black impersonation with a ray gun of sort in its gloved-yellow hand.

Despicable Me 4 adds a baby and exposes Gru and co. to a higher standard that doesn’t measure up to previous films.

The sweet spot for 8-11 YO minions, but not past that

Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga, a prequel that measures up to high expectations

Prequels are the sort of lazy storytelling that beget Muppet Babies. That statement can still be true, however, I’ve been watching Young Sheldon on Netflix and love that show. A movie is a different kind of beast though, and making a sequel to one of the best action films ever shouldn’t be trifled with. Mad Max: Fury Road is the movie in question and Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga is the prequel that was holding the place card for an apocalyptic, gasoline-centered Muppet Babies. Our worst-case scenario of young Kermit may be the exception, rather than the rule. That’s because Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga is possibly the best action movie since 2015’s Mad Max: Fury Road.

Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga is great fun, it’s independent enough to stand alone and wields the action of Fury Road with a deeper story.

Muppet babies in the wasteland get run over

Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes is solid and shows no sign of letting up

The first three Planet of the Apes movies, in this revamped series were all remarkably consistent in their quality. They were films that I personally enjoyed, in addition to achieving great commercial success. Because of that, I was concerned about Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes. The negative headlines to reviews of the potentially subpar film wrote themselves in my head, An Ape Too Far, Forescore and No Apes More, There’s Nothing to Ape About This Film, and other erstwhile clickable titles that would be glib and hinted at my disappointment in the movie.

However, not since the Harry Potter movie series has a franchise produced so many films consistently, with roughly the same characters, and has continued a high level of quality and entertainment. Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes is the fourth film in this series, the tenth movie overall, and stretches every conceivable positive metric forward, or doesn’t back off from its previous highs, for the most part.

Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes delivers the epic, enthralling story that you wanted, with the effects that make you believe in a world controlled by simians.

You’ll believe an ape can fly, or talk

Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire, it’s exactly what you want it to be

The thing about monster, horror or Fast & Furious movies is that you don’t expect them to be great, you just don’t want them to be bad. A bad mixture for each of them depends on what thing isn’t added. Monster movies, like Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire need to have monsters smashing lots of things, numerous objects or scenery that illustrates their massive size and not have too many humans, or at least too many annoying humans. Using that criteria, and the guidance of our son, Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire checks off all of those boxes and is the sort of film where middle school ages and non-critics will enjoy it.

Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire is monster fun, monster big and monster expectations. It won’t change minds, but it’ll entertain fans of the genre.

Godzill and Kong sitting in a tree……

Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire builds on the quality and fun of Afterlife

Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire is a very good movie. It’s a film that’s better than its predecessor, Ghostbusters: Afterlife. Frozen Empire starts with action and very rarely lets its foot off of the entertainment gas. These are important things to state from the get-go because the high hopes for Afterlife were, for the most part, met by audiences and critics. Thus, it’s surprising that Frozen Empire doesn’t fumble the franchise and manages to be a very entertaining film that will exceed the expectations of fans of the first and fourth entries. Moreover, even if you’ve never seen a Ghostbusters film, Frozen Empire is a solid film that delivers popcorn, and escapist fun that people go to the cinema for.

Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire is a very good film that’s the popcorn sort of fun you want at the cinema with enough nostalgia for the ‘classic’ fans. — Ghostbusters: Frozen Empire poster, courtesy of Sony Pictures.

Who ya gonna call, Paul rudd to the rescue

There’s Something in the Barn, horror fare that serves two masters

The line between peanut butter and chocolate mixture is a fine one, isn’t it? I try to make chocolate, and peanut butter pretzels every December, and while edible, they always fall short of how perfect they should taste. Christmas horror films are like my erstwhile Reese’s concoction too; if there’s too much horror and gore then it will limit its audience, but if it aims for the funnier route then the jokes have to hit. There’s Something in the Barn has a great premise and nails the first hour; but then, akin to the cake that’s risen well up until the end, it falls just a bit flat.

There’s Something in the Barn has a great premise and will satiate holiday horror fans at a base level, but leave them wanting more.

It’s enjoyable, but we wanted more

The Equalizer 3 is the rare third entry that doesn’t lose steam

I was three minutes into The Equalizer 3 and invited my wife to sit beside me. “This looks too John Wicky”, my wife said. I assured her that it was not in that same vein, but that it would have things in common with it. I also reminded her that she saw the first two Equalizers and that really enjoyed them. Not content to take the recommendation of her loving husband, she continued quietly doing ancillary things around the living room. “Wow, that’s gorgeous scenery”, “That’s Denzel Washington isn’t it?” and other quotes continued to echo around the sofa until her resistance to the film proved futile and she joined me for the remaining 90 minutes of The Equalizer 3.

The Equalizer 3 is the rare third entry into a series that doesn’t lose momentum and continues quality storytelling with action.

Denzel, Denzel, you do it again