Megadeth taught me everything I need to know about children’s medicine

Small children are happy, uncontrollable running laboratories for things that adults can no longer get.  Think Jurassic Park on a microbial level and put those tiny ill tempered Pteranadons in your child.  One day our child had a rash around his mouth.  My wife said, “oh, I bet he has hand, foot and mouth disease”.  My immediate thought was hoof and mouth disease and then I remembered that Megadeth addressed this issue in their classic song Hook in Mouth.

Doctors, people with older children and astute metal heads know that I’m incorrect on both levels.  Hand, Food and Mouth disease is not Hoof and Mouth disease, also called Mad Cow, BSE or eating meat will scare the hell out of you for life.

However, in the late 80’s I was working in radio and attending concerts almost every week.  It was a fun time that allowed me to see hundred of shows, often times meeting the bands. One such concert was Megadeth and Warlock.

It was a relatively small venue that could accommodate about 3,000 people   While I don’t know how many were there this night; the demographics were 90% male, 10% female, with 100% of them wearing black.  Long hair was all but mandatory for attendees.  Mine came down to my shoulders if I tilted my head up-and even then I had to shake it back and forth like a Prell girl to exude any sort of long hair street cred.

Hook in Mouth was one of the songs that Megadeth did on that tour.  It’s got the best bass line in the first: 60 seconds of any rock song and is typical of why people like Megadeth.  I saw the song done in concert a couple of times and played it dozens, if not hundreds of times on my show.

Fast forward 25 (?!) years and I’m presented with an ailment on my son that my wife calls “h*** in mouth’.  I know he’s not exhibiting the symptoms of Mad Cow Disease, (Hoof and Mouth disease) so it must be something else.

When you do a search for hand, foot and mouth disease you’ll see several listings for hoof and mouth disease.  Those entries immediately state that one is an intestinal virus that targets children 5 and under while the other one is a much more serious virus that affects sheep, cows and pigs.

Hand, foot and mouth disease is common.  It doesn’t mean that your child or living situations aren’t sanitary.   Hook in Mouth is one of the best songs from Megadeth.  You may not like Megadeth, but their music, may help your patience and frustration when the kids have hand, food and mouth disease.

Our Megadeth and hand foot and mouth memories are in no way intended to be medical advice.  Really, if you’re seeking medical advice here then you need medical help.  Just like Electro Woman reminded me about electrolytes, metal reminded me of this.