I am a stay at home dad. Our family is allowed to have me stay at home with the children because my wife earned much more money than I when we started having children. When the Pew Research study about women breadwinners came out she was featured on NBC Nightly News. This is Daddy Mojo 101, how it came to be and video footage of the kids from NBC.
When we started planning the family we knew that it would be best if someone stayed home with the kid(s). Since she earned more money than I the decision of who should stay home was easy. Personally I had never given much thought to being a stay at home dad. In the utilitarian way of thinking, if it has to be done, do it and don’t make a fuss over it.
It’s not that being a stay at home parent is like zombie work. It’s fun, exhausting and stay at home dads do it just like their mom counterparts, except with less estrogen and more testosterone.
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My wife certainly has qualities that are better than mine and I have some better than hers. I’m more relaxed and patient; but she is better with fine details and more thorough overall. I tend to start things and she finishes them; that may sound like a taunt, but it’s not.
I take care of the children during the day and when she gets home from work she’ll take over. As it’s the end of the day by that time she’ll finish up the bath and then read them a story. On the weekends she leads the activities and I’ll assist or take the lead if she needs to do something for herself. We make it work. Nothing is easy, but with advance planning we figured out what would be best for us.
Personally, the biggest difference between moms and dads on the playground with children is that dads don’t pick them up as quick. It’s not a lack of love, but more of a ‘shake it off’ thing. For a while More Mojo was fighting gravity every day; leaving the playground with at least one bruise, covered with mulch.
Stay at home dads seem to be more relaxed. Granted some people may confuse that with aloof, but it’s very different.
The latest Pew study is interesting because women as the primary breadwinner are now 40% of all households. That’s a big increase since the survey was first done in 1960 with a steady tick upwards, but increasing more over the past 13 years.
For the married couples who have a stay at home dad this survey means that dad is a much bigger part in their lives. It will be neat to see what, if any the effects of more dads that are the primary force in child rearing will be on young adults in 10+ years. On the other side of the Pew coin, will the absence of father’s in the single mother driven households be noticeable?
Have you noticed any differences in your child because dad is the stay at home parent?
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I agree. It should be interesting to see what effect will occur as a result of more dads being the primary caregiver. I hope that it will result in more independent children that aren’t used to being coddled. I think that because families used to be larger, that happened naturally since even a nurturing mother couldn’t “baby” each child endlessly. When families got smaller, well-intentioned moms sheltered and protected the children a little too well, leading to a large portion of society that seemed confused about the requirement for them to go out and work for a living and only buy what they could afford.
I have to say, I think my husband would make a great stay at home dad. We both work, and it was never an option for either of us to stay at home….not due to financial reasons, but due to the fact that we’re both ambitious career-oriented people. Every family has to do what works best for them.
I have to say, though, I’m surprised by and completely disagree with Corinne’s statement below about women “coddling” their children. I’m the disciplinarian (and I’m female!) – I’d have a super-duper “coddled” child if my husband stayed at home with her! It isn’t about your gender but about your parenting personality.
This is a great article!!! I think my husband would do great staying at home with our kids. But because his skills get him paid more and no one seems to want to hire me. I am the one at home. I love being able to be home for my kids. I think he would enjoy it if he could do the same