Sonic Youth of my loins

Mom and I are excited because Baby Mojo has found his voice.

Unfortunately that is not a singing metaphor; rather our eight month old has discovered that he can talk.  I’m all for talking;  don’t get me wrong, but an eight month old talks at one volume:  a very loud and punishing auditory dagger that would have Spinal Tap dialing it down from 11.

The screaming from our son usually happens when he’s being fed solid foods.  The red in his face, packaged full of baby rage is all treble, no bass; which seems to make the shrieks hurt that much more. 

Being a new stay at home dad I know that more challenging situations will arise.  To deal me with the sonic assault coming from our son’s pie hole I’m faced with a couple options.

1. Feed him from a distance.  Realistically not an option as shooting pellets of food into his mouth from across the room would be difficult.  On the upside he would be very good at bar games later in life.
2. Feed him at a lower level.  This is possible, but would require us to move him to the floor during feedings.  We’d have to sit, stand, sit and the possibility for back injury increases dramatically.
3. Feed him continuously when he’s in the high chair.  We’ve tried this… and eventually he blows the food back in our direction, which is something else we’re trying to avoid. 

Ultimately I suppose we’ll have to deal with the screams of joy until he manages to form sounds at a manageable volume and eventually words.

To those that haven’t been around toddlers who are able to create this unique sound I’ll share some instances that may convey the level of pain & discomfort it brings.

Sonic Youth

I like Sonic Youth.  They’re a group that was the soundtrack to my high school and college years.  Having said that if you don’t like Sonic Youth, or haven’t heard of them, their sound could be akin to that of a screaming toddler.

Sonic Youth is No Wave, guitar art rock from New York.  Some of their music is melodic, moody and very chilled out.  Some of their music sounds like a bag pipe with a live cat inside  while being played on a bumpy road.

Bus trip to Petra

The bus trip from Cairo, Egypt to Petra, Jordan takes 17 hours.  Visiting Petra, Jordan was stunning and worth every minute.  However, the bus trip getting to Jordan takes 17 hours.  A long bus ride is not bad, it was the movies that they kept playing and the volume that made the trip there torture. 

I expected the movies to be dubbed into Arabic.  Nobody on the bus spoke English so I made up my own story lines, looked out the window and tried to nap.  As one movie became two, then three, the sun went down, but the volume of the movies didn’t.

About 13 hours into the trip and late at night they were playing The Siege, starring Bruce Willis.    That movie was bad in English, worse in Arabic and a thudding disaster at 2:30 AM with the volume still cranked up like a teenager playing AC/DC.

Groggy from no sleep I stumbled to the front of the bus to ask homie to lower the volume.  He gave me a look that seemed to suggest that he’s only being paid three dollars a day and he’s not taking any crap from a kaffir who can’t sleep.   Sure enough, everybody on the bus, except for the driver and me, was sound asleep.

The sound from the movies were loud, constant and thundering, perfect for headaches that last for days, and it did.

Those two sounds are the closest that I can verbally describe how crisp, precise and painful the squeal & yell of a toddler is.    It almost sounds alien, but I’m sure at one point, probably the teenage years, me and my wife will look back and remember the squeaks and yells much more favorably than now.