Pregnancy week 38-New baby tips, food and paranoia

Moms, if this is your first rodeo then you might have two more weeks, if you’ve been down this road before you’ve got one more week.  You’ll have one or two more trips to the doctor and then one big trip to the hospital.  After birth you can expect to spend two or three days there while your husband is home watching G4, Bait Car or some silly Jason Statham movie.

Aches and pains

At week 38 of pregnancy you moms ache all over.   One good way to ease the back pain is to sit on one of those large exercise balls, $15-$30.  We happened to have one in the Mojo house and it’s being used daily now by a certain pregnant woman.  Dads, for bonus points have them sit in front of you while you rub their neck.

Paranoia

Your bride may ask you questions that you know the answer to such as, “Did I leave the car windows down?”  You know that the windows are up, but in your pregnant wife’s paranoid state she will not believe you unless you go out to the car to physically check.

The pregnancy is almost over and their emotions are ramping up (if that’s possible) and questioning simple things.  Don’t question their question.  Just do it.  Don’t bring up NPR, illegal immigration, annoying toys, The Biggest Loser or anything that might cause a conversation.

Don’t worry dads.  The ship, that is also known as your wife, will right itself and she’ll be back to herself in a week or two.*  However, until then just embrace those seemingly odd requests and do what she asks.

For the paranoid pregnant ladies and rockin’ dads in the house here’s a song for you.

If you’re more of an 80’s fan of paranoid themed tunes try this.

Food for the new parents

As a parent who has received gifts for a new baby, sincere thanks for everything.  Thanks, but we do not need another baby blanket.  I know, it’s the cutest baby blanket in the world, but unless it comes with a copy of Action Comics #1, circa 1938, we don’t need it.

What new parents need is food.  Any food that you can put in the freezer is fine.  If you give a new mom or dad food that can be frozen be sure to label it or put it in a container of some sort.    The new mom would also appreciate a bottle of her favorite alcoholic beverage or food that she couldn’t eat during pregnancy.  For Mommy Mojo it’s sushi and Blue Moon, which has already been put on the menu for the near future.

Next week could be the final week of pregnancy, the week you give birth or the time that your husband gets to chill out on the sofa with a dog watching Bait Car.  Whatever your situation it’s win/win, congratulations!!

*”The ship will right itself” is a nautical term and in no way reflects the size of pregnant women.   Unless of course you’re a pregnant woman on a ship, then you can take that archaic saying anyway you’d like.