Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire, it’s exactly what you want it to be          

The thing about monster, horror or Fast & Furious movies is that you don’t expect them to be great, you just don’t want them to be bad. A bad mixture for each of them depends on what thing isn’t added. Monster movies, like Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire need to have monsters smashing lots of things, numerous objects or scenery that illustrates their massive size and not have too many humans, or at least too many annoying humans. Using that criteria, and the guidance of our son, Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire checks off all of those boxes and is the sort of film where middle school ages and non-critics will enjoy it.

I am not implying that middle school students and people who aren’t critics operate on the same intelligence level. It’s just that the later simply want to be entertained and will forgive continuity, script or special effect inconsistencies and the former might not notice them. Our 12YO loved the film, laughed where he should’ve laughed; fist pumped at all the right moments and promptly parroted what his favorite moments were and how much his friends would like the film.

The previous film in the series, Godzilla vs. Kong was forgettable. I actually did forget that I saw it. The only fact that triggered the memory that I saw the film was that I found Millie Bobbie Brown’s character very annoying. I then remembered that most of the human characters in the film were annoying. Their script made them think that they were the stars of the film when people just wanted monsters. Don’t take it personal Hollywood, but pay the effect people more, get capable, but cheaper actors to do the jobs and the public won’t notice.

So, that movie broke the most important rule in monster films in that there were too many humans and almost all of them were annoying. In Godzilla x Kong the humans aren’t annoying for the most part. A couple of the actors fill the monster movie tropes that have to be filled in order to put butts in seats. There is the wisecracking, streetwise person who knows more than the scientists. There is a youth who is probably the key to saving the world. There is a mother figure who is much stronger than those around her think. There is a scientist who has a loose, approachable, hippie vibe, but is actually quite intelligent.

The humans in Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire know their role. They hang in the background and set the monsters up so that they can do their thing. The New Empire has a lot of monster time, with most of that being occupied by Godzilla. In case you forgot, the two monsters have been cordoned off to their respective areas, Godzilla being on our area, and Kong living in the center of the Earth. Thankfully, Kong has the ability to portal through when it’s needed and interact with us humans. As long as Kong and Godzilla don’t interact and reignite their bad blood it would all be ok.

Kong finds another tribe of apes in the center of the Earth, with their leader having certain characteristics that don’t mix well with humans. To make matters even worse, this ape leader has a pet lizard on a chain that he brings out to intimidate or punish those who don’t listen to him. Things happen to where Godzilla picks up on this increased monster tension, Kong, the bad ape and his giant lizard all meet up on the surface of the planet to fight for control.

If you’re confused by that synopsis, just go back to what monster movie fans expect from the better ones. The plot makes a little bit of sense, but is also a whole lot of upside down, reverse Earth, confusion. As long as the monsters are there it’s entertaining, forgettable and fun, if you go in with the right attitude. However, this is not the monster movie that will convert non-monster movie fans over to the kaiju side.

This is to Godzilla: Minus One  as Batman & Robin is to The Batman. Given that films recent release it’s impossible not to compare that universally praised film to this more commercial movie. We also re-watched the most recent Planet of the Apes movies and they’ve held up amazingly well. That is only worth mentioning because some of the CGI in The New Empire is stilted and lives in the uncanny valley, specifically with the Baby Kong.

Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire is not a film that you’ll accidentally watch, assuming that it’s in theaters and not on television. On television it’ll be a nice escaping romp of a movie. In the theater, where you have to pay around $20 you’ll be entertained if you go in with low expectations and realize that films like Fast and the Furious aren’t realistic in their nature either.

Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire is rated PG-13 for monster violence sequences and mild language.