Monsters Never Get Haircuts, say hello to a new classic

Monsters Never Get Haircuts is a fabulously strange book that looks like it’s from another dimension. In this universe, children’s drawings are the currency of the wealthy and each illustration is handled twice by two masters who manage to make it freakier, yet more accessible. It’s a series of one-upmanship where the first artist dares the second one to improve upon it, and they do. All of this could be true about Monsters Never Get Haircuts except there’s only one artist in play, although they might have multiple personalities, I don’t know, and the text is refreshingly brief. Pre-K and early elementary school audiences will love this book for those reasons and the fact that it’s utterly original, yet familiar to their young souls.

For us, Monsters Never Get Haircuts is one of the best children’s illustrated books since The King’s Golden Beard. Ironically, both of them revolve around hair, perhaps it’s a subliminal desire to cover my gaping baldness or a requiem for long-lost follicles.  Either way, both books have a fearless, devil-may-care attitude that exemplifies the fun, manic spirit that young readers need every once in a while. This is the contained, sit-in-your-floor space, giddy, laughter-producing book that will have kids grinning from ear to ear the first time that they see and hear it. The book has that, but it also assures them that monsters aren’t real, nor are they at the end of the book.

There are many things that monsters don’t do and the book lists many of them. They don’t go to the dentist, don’t play soccer, they never get cold, and aren’t afraid of the dark. Towards the end of the book, it reinforces it asks the readers if they know why monsters don’t do these things, and that’s because they don’t exist.

All the while the book features some of the most clever monsters that you’ll see outside of the imagination of a six-year-old. These are big, chaotic monsters whose size and teeth are the scary part, but you know that if you ever saw one of them in your house they wouldn’t hurt you. The big octopus-esque monster with 20 eyes and oversized teeth is watching television. They don’t wear glasses either. The monster is painted in a manner that makes it appear as if it’s still drying or will smudge on the opposing page if you close the book. It’s an abstract dreamy monster when compared to its surroundings, like the sofa, light and television, which are drawn in a clear, logical way.

Monsters Never Get Haircuts is a giddy romp of an illustrated book that will get children’s imaginations firing on all cylinders. It’s also a straightforward book. The fact that it slowly builds to a climax is a marvelous thing that can be attributed to the art, the book’s layout and the size of the font in the final couple of pages. One the page before the book’s climax there’s a massive shark-like beast with arms, legs and a gaping mouth replete with razor teeth, calmly and politely telling a terrified child who is in bed that everything they’ve been told about the monster is wrong.  

It’s wrong because monsters don’t exist. The girl is now fast asleep and is drawn larger than the other people in the book. When you get to the final page you’ll hear an audible exhale or kids saying “of course”, “duh”, or “don’t be sus” as they see the girl asleep in her bed. The issue of children facing their fears or realizing that fantastical monsters don’t exist is not a new concept in kidlit. However, I can’t think of a book in recent memory that has done it better than Monsters Never Get Haircuts.

It has that factor of being completely strange, all the while being a book that any child in pre-k and up will understand and enjoy. The unspoken lessons that kids learn are the best because you’re not hammering them over the head with statements they could perceive as preachy. This is a textbook example of them learning, discovering or having something reinforced all on their own, which is the best kind of fun that these young ages can have with a book.

Monsters Never Get Haircuts is by Marie-Helene Versini with art by Vincent Boudgourd and is available on Boxer Books, an imprint of Union Square & Co, a subsidiary of Sterling Publishing Co.

There are affiliate links in this post.