Black Widow spins a frustrating web of low-end MCU

For my James Bond fans, imagine showing someone who has never seen a 007 film Skyfall, and then showing them from the campier Roger Moore era movies. The difference in those films is vast, some people enjoy both equally, while others see one as being a better movie than the other. That sums up Black Widow when compared to other action films or MCU movies. This is a movie that would’ve felt more at home if it were released in 2018. That schedule would’ve also allowed audiences to forgive the numerous flaws that live within the film. However, it’s been ages since we’ve been to the movie theater so let’s all go, unless it’s available on Disney + in a couple of weeks for no extra charge.

At my core, I’m an optimist, so here’s what worked with Black Widow. Scarlett Johansson as Natasha Romanoff and Florence Pugh as Yelena Belova both did a great job with their characters. It’ll be great to see Pugh reprise her role in future MCU projects, which it looks like she will in the Hawkeye series on Disney +.  Alas, the list of what didn’t work with Black Widow is much longer.

-On several occasions, the Russian accent by David Harbour as the girl’s father was flat and went in and out.

-The main villain controls his subjects by using a powerful pheromone around him so that people obey him and aren’t able to hit him. This is where Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons would say “worst bad guy defense ever”. It’s also possible that Bart Simpson would say “smell ya later”, just before going to hang out with the Widow Fembots.

-Their fortress is a city in the sky that nobody can see because….radar doesn’t exist, it’s foggy, Cloud City hadn’t made a deal with Empire, who knows?

-It starts slow. It has the slowest start of any MCU movie in memory and never really runs.

-Fembots. For a film that’s all girl-powered action, there’s an army of mind-controlled women in black leather.

-Natasha Romanoff parkour at 12,000 feet. Eventually, the aforementioned fortress gets destroyed and falls down to the ground. Black Widow and Taskmaster freerun from block to block until hitting the Earth. This is, in addition to the fact that Romanoff has fallen half a dozen times down spaces that would kill normal folks. I know she’s a superhero, but she’s also not a super-soldier, and her repeated beat downs and catastrophic falls from buildings just don’t add up.

The pacing of the film was also off. I am all for mixing up the MCU formula, but it has to be contained within a script that makes sense. The fact that the ‘Widow army’ or the ‘Widow Fembots’ are controlled by this scent is just silly and belongs in a bad James Bond movie. Certainly, some of this vibe was intentional because Natasha watches Moonraker in a down moment in one of the safe houses.

Unfortunately, Black Widow is a great character whose solo film wasn’t baked as thoroughly as needed and suffered from an experimental release schedule. It was already severely-delayed and other MCU storylines would’ve crept forward, stealing even more thunder from this movie. Movie theaters wanted a piece of the action, but Disney needed something special for its streaming service. The result is something that isn’t special enough for the $30 add-on via Disney + and a film that would’ve been tolerable and a low-end MCU in movie theaters.