The Secret Life of Pets 2 review

 In an alternate universe Disney PIXAR hasn’t made it acceptable, nay, enviable for an animated feature to be accepted as high entertainment for the entire family. Back then times were simpler, toys were toys and not used as characters to make us ugly cry in movie theaters in front of our children who aren’t sure why we’re crying during a film about toys. In that universe, The Secret Life of Pets 2 is high craft and the sort of entertainment that kids and adults will equally enjoy. Alas, in this universe, The Secret Life of Pets 2 is the sort of kid-only entertainment that those in elementary school will enjoy to ridiculous levels.

Were it not for the presence of Rooster, voiced by Harrison Ford, as the cranky, old time dog who lives on the farm the film would’ve felt like a direct-to-DVD release. It’s not that Ford is entirely the Dwayne Johnson of this film. It’s that the character he portrays is a needed counter balance to the rest of the characters.

The Secret Life of Pets 2 is a hodgepodge of a movie that has three loosely connected plots that eventually come together. Older audiences or those that saw the first one will recognize the format and outlay of how the different ones are constructed and can already place how they’ll come together. At times the film felt like a series of sketches, more akin to a Saturday Night Live five-minute bit, than a feature length film and the three story vignette set up doesn’t help this vibe.

There is the dog trying to learn to be a cat. The dogs that are riding in the car. The humorous Captain Snowball kind of breaks free from this mini-story feeling, but only for a minute.  It’s almost like they had the joke of something happening and then wrote the story around each bit.  Also, ‘feature length film’, is a bit of a stretch for The Secret Life of Pets 2 as it only clocks in at one hour and twenty six minutes. We have a rule of thumb that if a movie can’t hang in there for 90 minutes and be entertaining then it’s not worth being made. To that end, this film utterly fails our test.

As disappointed as we were with the film, our kids, aged 9 and 7 did like it. They liked Captain Snowball, enjoyed the action sequences and laughed at the parts that they should’ve laughed at-that were all shown in one of the trailers that have been released.

Parents: it’s OK. You don’t have to enjoy every film that your children like. My parents sure didn’t like The Apple Dumpling Gang, but I did and that’s OK.  However, the later didn’t cost $80 million to produce. And, The Apple Dumpling Gang has earned $37 million since its 1975 release. Let’s presume that it had a $3 million production cost (which is impossibly high) and that film still has yielded an amazing amount of return. The Secret Life of Pets 2 will not see that amount of return as a percentage or in actual profits, in 35 years.

It’s also worth noting that producers couldn’t have kept Louis C.K as the voice of Max due to the pressure that they would’ve faced. However, Patton Oswalt has a needier, more dependent characteristic about his performance that was immediately noticed by me and other adults. Louis C.K’s version was smarmy and lovable, where as Oswalt’s was more apt to whine and be annoying.

Some audience members will identify with the independence and lessons that are taught in the film. We saw them, but they were all encompassed by Rooster, who did so with fewer words and more humor. The Secret Life of Pets 2 is great for kids, but those over 12 will want to wait until they can stream it.