Sherlock Gnomes, a low rent garden variety family film

Sherlock Gnomes is a children’s movie that makes parents yearn for the days when their children only watched Calliou. It’s a film that only bored garden clubs or for kids that value the taste of popcorn more than the time it takes for a film to earn a laugh. For me, the laugh count was two, two laughs during the entire film.

But you say, it’s a family film so surely the kids liked it more than you? I took that question to our 6YO. “No, it was boring”, he responded when I asked that question. I further prompted him to explain which parts of the film were boring and he said “all of it.”

I asked out 8YO the same question and he said “I liked it”, before  going back to hopefully ignoring what other questions I might put his way. When I asked him to further explain why he thought that he simply repeated his original statement. On the positive side, it’s good to see that he’s getting a 6 year start on his teen years.

Sherlock Gnomes doesn’t know if it wants its camp to be front and center, an action tale or PG themed comedy. The end result is boring, uninspired and makes ever one involved in it look poorly.

As a film, its predecessor was financially successful. Gnomeo and Juliet was made for $39 million in 2011 and earned $99 million in the U.S., $93 million internationally and $34 million in DVD sales. While marketing expenses can’t fully be known, at a worst case the original film doubled its investment by Walt Disney.

Fast forward seven years and Walt Disney is no longer in the driver’s seat, the film was made for $59 million and was met with a well deserved thud at the box office. On paper the fiscal performance of Sherlock Gnomes (aka Gnomeo and Juliet 2) seemed like a safe bet. It’s made for only $20 million more, but does have a larger cast.

In reality Paramount is left holding the bag on Sherlock Gnomes.

Hey, let’s think of a literary figure that we can legitimately figure out a way to make a gnome pun-and we’ve got a franchise. Don’t worry about a story or any jokes to make it worthwhile-just release it in March when parents are desperate to entertain their children.

One can just imagine that talks that went into this film. It’s a victim of a transitioning studio leadership, bad writing and an audience whose animation palette is not as simple as it was in 2011. The quality of Sherlock Gnomes is that of a direct to DVD film. That would’ve been the more appropriate path for this laughless film that does more to make other animated films shine due to its flaccid and pained delivery. Halfway through Sherlock Gnomes you’ll be rooting for Moriarty to smash them all.