Is Batman V Superman OK for children? #FandangoFamily

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This is a spoiler free review. Children love Batman and Superman, the titular characters in one of this year’s most anticipated films. Our 6 year old gave me the sad puppy dog eyes when I said that I was going to see it. Batman V Superman is rated PG-13, some films with that rating are OK for younger kids, while some aren’t. Is Batman V Superman ok for children? No, it’s not, but it’s not good for children for a number of reasons, most which I didn’t expect.

Unfortunately, it’s not bad for children due to the action. If anything there wasn’t enough action until the final 25% of the film. The first 75% of the film is drama, God metaphors, dream sequences, a Batman chase and a brief meeting between our two heroes.

The film starts out, as seemingly required for a Batman movie, with his mom and dad being killed in Chicago. From there the tone of the film doesn’t get any happier or lighter, just noisier. It’s the equivalent to being in a foreign country and thinking that if you speak louder that you’ll be understood.

A dark superhero film is fine. The Nolan Batman films were great, dark and had a lead actor who people struggled to understand when he spoke, but people still loved those films. For the record, I’m not a Marvel apologist, nor do I require that every movie that I watch to have kittens, puppies or unicorns in them.

There aren’t any curse words or bad language in the film to merit its rating.  A 9 year old going to Batman V Superman because they’ve heard about how cool Batman or Superman are is going to have the same reaction as a kid who wants to see Star Wars, but sees The Phantom Menace first. Except this cut of The Phantom Menace leads off with an hour and a half of Tatooine government council meeting.

This is Star Wars?…, the kids will think.

Ditto Batman V. Superman. The first hour and a half jumps around with predictable dream sequences; dialogue that fits in with soap operas and a pending ‘battle’ that doesn’t make any sense. Kids know that heroes don’t fight each other. Even the trumped up reason for the fight between Batman and Superman is lame and does nothing more than serve as a reason to get these two into the same film.

Let’s fight. No, it’s just a misunderstanding, sorry about the Kryptonite. Sorry about saying you’re a vigilante. Dream sequence. Somebody confused me with a God again and here’s the big battle.

Batman V Superman is just bad. It’s not a bad film for children, it’s just bad. This is the kind of film that you’ll watch on television when it’s raining outside, take a nap for the first hour or so and then wake up once Wonder Woman comes on.

In our showing there were lots of kids under 10. Most of them looked like they fell asleep. Some of them made runs to the concession stand during the film which ended up costing mom and dad  more money had they gotten a babysitter and seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2.

The comic geeks were all abuzz-and not in a good way about Ben Afleck as Batman. He’s actually quite good in the film as an older, haggard and angrier hero. The real concern should’ve been on the script and director. The story picks up from Man of Steel and follows a meandering series of breadcrumbs that the audience tries to enjoy. Zack Snyder uses the shaky cam again too much, as well as,  slow motion fight tricks that made 300, Sucker Punch and Watchmen all but unwatchable for us.

The score in Batman V Superman by Junkie XL and Hans Zimmer was distracting too. There are very few films where I even notice the score. How it managed to be a distraction in this film is a testament to how much my mind wandered for a majority of it, combined with how much the music actually stuck out.

Yes, children will want to see Batman V Superman, but probably won’t have the patience to slog through the 90 minutes that it takes to get interesting. From a content perspective it’s OK for kids 13 and up.

The last 30 minutes are good and do offer hope for the DC Universe on film. One of Batman fight sequences is also very inventive, better than any fight I’ve seen in Marvel movies.  I just hope that someone other than Zack Snyder directs it the next DC films, that the story is worlds better, the soundtrack isn’t distracting and they cut to the chase sooner, with an editor. That’s not too much to ask, is it?