What does God stand on in the clouds?

“What does God stand on in the clouds?” he asked from the back seat. It’s been a cavalcade of great questions, sometimes ill-timed mind you, but Jake has been a fountain of curiosity and laughs lately. It was a fabulous spring day with massive white puffy clouds and we were driving past a church, so that could’ve been the visual cue that prompted this.

Initially I thought about answering with something smarmy like, ‘well, he stands on a chair, just like you when you’re getting something from the counter just out of your reach’. I thought about that, but then realized that I might have been smitten-and not in a loving or affectionate manner.

Jake meant what does God stand on in the clouds that prevent him from falling through. A steel plate, no that’s too industrial. A gold floor covering?  Too regal and if Indiana Jones taught me anything it is that big, shiny objects and God don’t go together. Someone needs to get that memo to Creflo Dollar or at least a copy of the third Indiana Jones movie.

That’s a great question from a kid isn’t it? It’s innocent and something that most adults would never think of. I started to try to explain the Holy Ghost, he’s everywhere angle (with a healthy dose of freewill) when he interrupted and asked me another question.

“How can Santa always see us?”

This question I’ve had more practice with and immediately said, well, he has lots of helpers. Sometimes we’ll take notes for Santa and give them to him through the year.

“So….the Santa we had pizza with last year wasn’t real?”

“He was just a helper Santa. December is really busy and the real one can’t be everywhere at once, so he has helpers”, I said.

These are the kinds of questions that Gary Larson excelled at asking. His twisted view of cows, cats, aliens and just about everything is as child-like and wondrous as you can get without being five years old. If you’re new to cartoons then you must read The Far Side. In a way it takes what children would legitimately question, draw it up in cartoon form and make it funny for anyone reading.

These cases he might draw dozens of little cameras, a la Homeland Security to answer the question ‘how can Santa always see us?’ It would be witty, socially timely and probably feature a human with a big nose. His other cartoon could have God sitting on a chair that Satan loaned him through some bet that they had lost.

Jake doesn’t know it, but he’s a fan of The Far Side. For the past three years we’ve had a book of The Far Side on his toilet. It was in there one time when we were potty training him and it just stayed there. He calls it the cow book, but I suspect that it’s something that he’ll appreciate in a couple of years.