The precipice at the end of the school year

At the playground the other day after school I was near some moms.  I overheard their conversation where one of them was talking about how their husband didn’t understand the fact that she was dreading the coming end of school.  “oh, you have to drive around and run errands with the kids”, she said that he had sarcastically said.  Initially my ‘Dad Inequality’ gag reflex was triggered, but then I listened, thought about it and realized that she was 100% correct.

Her point was that her spouse did not understand why she was uneasy or apprehensive about the coming end of school.  Our children are the same age as hers, so I knew why she felt the way she did, even though I wasn’t an actual part of the conversation.

What was unique to the overall conversation was that my wife fully understands the unease and apprehension I feel about the summer.  It’s not that I don’t want to spend time with my children.  I love our children, want to spend time with them and treasure the opportunity I have to watch them grow up.

It’s the loss of free time, combined with the time that you need to plan activities for them that makes parents feel like they’re about to step off of a cliff when it comes to summer.   My wife totally understands this feeling and we talked about it prior to the conversation I overheard at the playground.   The reason my wife completely understands the precipice felling is because she is with the children during the weekend.

She works during the week and I take care of the children.  I work at night and on the weekends.  During those periods she steps up at take care of the children.

However, it never ceases to amaze me how many parents don’t split the work load equally.  If my wife came home from work, asked what’s for dinner and then sat down to watch TV without being friendly things would get ill very quickly-especially if the kids were still awake.  However, a version of this story is one I hear all too often from her speaking to other moms that stay at home.

I know all about the importance of relaxation.

I also know that one needs to step away from things and just veg out.

And occasionally that would be a needed way to arrive back home.  There have been a couple days where I met her at the door, said that the kids were hers and simply laid down on the sofa and watched TV.  However, that’s a couple of days in the past 4 years.  Likewise she’s had days where she just needs to relax on the weekends-and I step up.

Back to the playground mom whose husband was giving her grief about the end of the school year.  If he legitimately didn’t understand why she was bummed out about the end of school, lack of free time and increased work load then she needed to tell him.  One of the main reasons that my wife knows how exhausting it is being with the children all day is because she does it on the weekend.

As I said, if she left the house every Saturday morning for 5 hours to go play golf, do yoga or whatever we would have a team meeting very quickly.  Most of the dads I know split the work load equally, that is awesome and the way it should be.

To the Moms who stay at home, because there are more of you that stay at home than us dads.  If they don’t understand or appreciate what you do all day or think it’s some leisure activity just talk to them.  It’s not nagging, just talk to them.  Leave them alone with the kids for multiple hours over the weekend.  It won’t turn into some dopey-dad production that Hollywood would produce, promise.  When you return they’ll have a better understanding of what you do and are less likely to water down the work that you do.