Lad’s nads and women with smaller breasts are better mothers

A study came out this past week with the dubious conclusion that men who have smaller testicles are better fathers.   Those findings certainly make for lots of clever headlines and puns involving balls, nads, lads, dads, festival, technical, ethical and the upcoming election.  However, when you dig into the study it leaves room for many questions.  This caused me to make up a study that came to the conclusion that women with smaller breasts are better mothers.*

Paul Little in The New Zealand Herald laid waste to the study and the body that prepared it.  The study on lads with small nads who may be better dads was done at Emory University.  Emory University is a medical college near Atlanta.  In Little’s article he skewers the study, its author and Emory.  James Rilling, the study’s author teaches a class at Emory called The Anthropology of Fatherhood.

I took some wacky classes in college too.  For the record I loved Anthropology and briefly thought about majoring in it.  Then I realized that Indiana Jones studied Archeology and that Anthropology was its wonkier, more book bound cousin.

Surely psychologists must have to take that class for some reason, but I sure can’t think of one.  I do wonder how much Rilling was paid to conduct the study also.  If a study is going to be done regarding fatherhood and testicles it would seem that something helpful and verifiable, like testicular cancer would’ve been more helpful.

The study showed 70 dads pictures of 2 children and 1 of their child.  They drew blood, did a brain scan, paid tens of thousands of dollars (I’m guessing…) for the results and determined that men with small nads are better dads.  I’m no scientist, but 70 people is a gathering at a bar, not enough to determine something scientific, is it?

What about the 71rst dad with big testicles who couldn’t attend the study?  And what about the man who has a scrotum that weighs 132 pounds?

Don’t worry about the size of you or your man’s testicles.  Being a better father is just a relatively simple equation of time, patience, love and forgiveness.  However, if you need to cheer your testicles on may I suggest go-nads, go-nads!  Whatever you do, don’t think about baseball as that will not encourage your nads at all.  In other news  conducted by scientific studies that cost too much and didn’t need to be done:  Women with smaller breasts are better mothers. *

*Note:  no such study exists.  When I was in college I had a shirt that said “Bikini Inspector”.  On a parallel level that job did not exist either.  However, if a study is being done on breast size and mothering ability-and is need of a professor, please call me.  I would however be limited to a test pool of one and she’s pretty good mother.