Being a better parent means thinking like a lawyer

Being a parent requires you to wear many hats.  Some of these hats, or professions you may have had no practical experience with, but they will help you in dealing with your children.   Earlier we mentioned the skill sets of a waiter that are needed by all parents.  Now that we have one child who can engage in conversations we’ve discovered the need to work like a waiter and think like a lawyer.

A four-year old is kind of like a lawyer who lives by their own law and has a poor short term memory.  They’ll weave between honesty to a fault, genius observations and insane comments all within a five minute period.  In :15 you’ll get two different answers to “do you want cereal”.  By lunch time they’ll be properly warmed up and tell you that they want to eat oranges (which you don’t have) on the big rock outside in the rain with the neighborhood stray cat.

Parents know what they don’t know- use that to your advantage

That’s obvious isn’t it?  You are the parent and know what is best for your child.  However, in the maelstrom of questions that they’ll shoot your way, combined with the slight lack of sleep and potential aggravation it’s nice to be reminded of this.  You know more than they do. 

It’s like you’re questioning a witness and you know things that they don’t think that you know-but you know.   In both instances, ask the most precise questions possible and you’ll be rewarded with a quick case and a happy child.

Pay close attention to everything

Look when your child doesn’t think that you’re looking and you’ll be rewarded with cute observations or the cause of something stained, broken or misplaced. 

People are the same way.  For the most part we’re horrible liars and will have obvious ‘tells’ in poker and when trying to deceive.  Those that can lie very well do it for a living as an actor.

Practice looking out of the corner of your eyes.  Another skill that parents will learn is the sound of things when they hit other objects. Something being dragged as opposed to it being pushed, a child tripping and a child bonking their head will make different sounds.

Reasonable doubt is key here.  How did you know that it was really the sound that you thought it was?  Are you a Foley artist?  Probably not, but you can listen and know when your kids are up to something.

Be concise

Too many words can bore a jury or may not be understood by a small child.   Don’t let your intellect, emotions or anger make a simple point get in the way of its presentation. 

Know the answer to the question before you ask it

Who broke this?  The 4 year old might have, but the 2 year old is much clumsier.   Who is more likely to play with or grab the item?  OK, in this case you may not know the answer.  Ask the 4 year old and with any luck it’ll be one of their moments of honesty.

This particular lawyer characteristic is one that you can’t always adhere to, but will have power when used in the family setting.  All of the children will have to be old enough to speak, then ask the question, combine all of the above points and you’ll know the answer. 

And remember, as Will Rogers once said, “the minute you read something that you can’t understand, you can almost be sure that it was drawn up by a lawyer”.