The first trip to the Melanoma doctor was mitosis-tastic

The first trip to the Melanoma doctor was a mitosis dividing success!  We learned that EKG’s can be a good love tester, a procedural visit to this doctor means that you’ll need surgery anyway and Judas Priest Spider-Man isn’t just a magical leather clad fantasy in your 80’s metal mind. 

Tell me your story

If your better half remembers more about your life than you, have them come with you to the doctor.  My wife remembered a key back injury and family sickness that were key answers to the doctor’s direct question of “tell me your story”.  Thankfully this doctor’s appointment had an ending time or we’d still be there with her tell them about the time we went snow boarding and I looked really hot, but hurt my back.

Judas Priest Spider-man

We knew a little bit about what the surgery entailed.  Our doctor sat us down and started talking about Sentinel Lymph Nodes.

He went on to tell me that the area that was biopsied will have radioactive dye injected into it and travel  to the Sentinel Lymph Nodes and …. oh snap, Judas Priest Spider-Man!!  In my mind I went on a :10 detour where Rob Halford was decked out in leather spikes with Spider Man kicking the crap out of any rogue cancer cells in my skin.

Unfortunately, my body was still there and no matter how cool of a mind trip I was on, the doctor’s visit still had to happen.

The Blood

As I knew that I’d have to go into surgery it was the drawing of blood that I was most dreading.  When I sat down in the chair my wife said, “Just think about when I had our children and needed an epidural in my back”, she said.   Two points for the wife.

The EKG

And here I thought EKG was a Russian spy agency.  In reality that spy agency is my telephone; just don’t talk bad about my big brother, OK?

So the EKG is the device that they hook up to various parts of your body so that they can get a visual look at your heart beat.  Once they shave your body hair (with a stick razor even-HELLO hospital, can you afford an electric shaver-paying 1,000s to have you look at me….????!) they’ll put tape with electrical conductors on your body.

Ladies (and some men), you may not have to worry about the shaving of your hair prior to t his step.  If you are hirsute, then shave a couple key bits on your chest prior to the visit.

From the computer the technician will hook up an octopus looking cord that connects to the conductors.  There the fun starts and your heart starts dancing.

The EKG is painless, but can reap huge results in your relationship.

Impress your spouse!  Because the machine is monitoring your heart, ask to hold your partner’s hand.  Be prepared to think of something that will evoke a strong response, pulling nose hair, hitting your thumb with a hammer or bumping your head on the edge of the  car door.

Right when you’re about to hold their hand, think of that visceral image-now hold hands.  Ask the tech if your heart showed any signs of increased stimulation.  Boom, you win.  See also 2:06 in PoP Goes My Heart.

What’s next

A visit to the surgeon where I’ll be put under for about 90 minutes and Dr. Lee will play Judas Priest while I sleep on a Spider-Man pillow.  The sentinel lymph nodes will get a check up and we’ll see if Milli Vanilli is the area.