The Ramones & Arnold Schwarzenegger get rid of diaper rash

Any parent of a newborn will wrestle with the issue of diaper rash.  For those without children, diaper rash is a rash on the child’s skin, usually on their bottom.  It looks like it hurts.  I imagine sand spurs on my bottom, then duct tape them to my skin when I want to equate the pain that our newborn is having. 

The simplest way to get rid of diaper rash is to let your newborn go without a diaper for a couple hours a day.  By going commando you will have to change their onesy multiple times, but after a day or two the diaper rash will disappear.  That’s easy, isn’t it?  Thankfully for parents there are three classic references to help you get through it.

The Ramones

I was fortunate enough to catch The Ramones several times in concert.  I had been a fan of theirs since 1978, but was far too young to understand why I liked them, much less attend one of their concerts.  Commando is one of their shortest songs and for a group that made short songs that’s saying something.

It even tells you be kind to mommy, don’t talk to commies and eat kosher salami, what’s not to love about that?  If you find yourself in pinch while your newborn in going commando, think of this song and try to get the diaper and onesy changed in 1:51.

 

Many years ago my girlfriend (who is now my wife) and I broke up.  We stayed separated for five years and then got our mojo back.  She would ask every guy she dated during that five year period if they liked The Ramones.  Mind you, she didn’t like The Ramones; she just wanted to see if they did, because I did. Now we’re a happy family.

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Arnold certainly made some movies that didn’t age well.  Red Heat was bad and aged even worse.  Commando, on the other hand was bad, but, through the prism of time has become a cheese classic.  There are multiple errors in the film, note the car that was in a wreck is now fixed: 10 later, ignore that boom microphone and don’t bother that landing gear.  Even as a teenager I noticed those gaffs, but totally forgave the movie for the cheese it provided.

The villain, Bennett, played by Vernon Wells was perhaps the gayest villain ever.  I know that calling someone gay is not PC, but I’m not producing the Oscar’s so please forgive me.  Bennett is a skinny man, wearing chaps and a chain link shirt-all that’s missing is a parade in the middle of summer around the park.  The theories about Bennett and John Matrix (Schwarzenegger) being lovers have dogged the movie for ages.

A villain with no evil, stilted dialogue, bad editing, who cares?  Commando has still aged well in cheesy movie years.

Joey and Friends

Mention ‘commando’ to my wife and she’s more apt to think about Friends.  Joey doesn’t wear underwear and goes commando in a tux.  It’s the more feminine, cheese free version that she probably thinks about when we change More Mojo from his soiled onesy.

It’s the little things that get parents through the rough patches of parenting.  Going commando really does get rid of diaper rash quickly.  It just may be a messy period that will require you to think of alternate things for a moment or two.