Week 17-Mom and Dad, your baby is the size of an onion!

An onion is a small thing isn’t it?  At this stage of the pregnancy game your unborn child is the size of an onion.  Not The Onion mind you, unless the father has a superb ability to write fake news stories.

It’s amazing how that little person is growing inside mom.  With all of the fast paced things around us it’s easy to lose track of just what a little miracle is happening inside your wife.  That miracle is possibly only offset by the mood swings, insanely random questions and bizarre dreams that our partner may be having.  Granted these things may be happening to your wife, not to mine, ours is angelic as always.

Dads, by now your bride is showing signs of showing and you’ll be  castigated if people see her doing anything other than walking.  Be sure to open all doors, don’t let her pick up anything and let her go first into all buildings.  Actually dads, take that last sentence, repeat it daily until the baby is born and then for a month after that.

Moms if you haven’t discovered the joy of a body pillow send out your husband to the store now.  According to Mommy Mojo it makes her back feel better when she sleeps.  Sleep, is relative during pregnancy because women may start to have freaky dreams now, in addition to waking up more often.

Dads, during this key pregnancy time the answer to every question but one- is yes.  The only question that should not be answered in the affirmative is “Am I getting fat”?  Obviously choose to answer this in a style that best suits your relationship to your bride.

A good staple answer is, “Sweetie, you’re not getting fat, you are pregnant and will be giving birth to our child in five months”.

Unacceptable answers would include: “You’re pregnant?  I was wondering why we were buying so much ice cream”, “ I can’t watch COPS when you talk to me” or “Fat is relative sweetie, look at your friend (insert name of person she doesn’t like here), she’s large, in charge and not even pregnant”.

Follow these rules and your pregnancy should go as swimmingly as the little microscopic boys that got you in this situation.  Next week:  Your baby is the size of a sweet potato!