Doctor Dad and the cyclopean Venus Flytrap toddler

One day Toodler Mojo decided to sleep late.  Recently Toddler Mojo had been filled with mucus; the pack of snails had indeed bum rushed this helpless toddler and turned him into a slimy and angry little man.  He needed to sleep late.  However, upstairs my wife said, ‘sweetie, can you come up here?’

Guys know that tone of voice.  That tone of voice either says, please come here and explain what you’ve done or there is a genuine problem here.  I knew that there was virtually nothing I could’ve done wrong so I briskly walked upstairs to see my wife pointing to a cyclopic toddler who was bum rushed by a Venus Flytrap.    Toddler Mojo had pink eye.

‘I think he has pink eye’, she said.  Dad’s sense of logic was tingling because Toddler Mojo’s eye wasn’t pink at all, it was however, gummed up with too much mucus.  “Maybe its allergies” dad gamely said.  Deep down we knew it was pink eye, but being a bit of a hypochondriac, the mere thought of a contagious virus made me entertain the thought of bunking with the cats in the laundry room for a night or two.

All the while, Toddler Mojo was standing up in his crib with what looked like a tiny Venus Flytrap over his right eye.  We can’t be certain it was a tiny Venus Flytrap, it’s also possible that a very tiny alien, similar to what attached itself to Kane in Alien visited our house.  Whatever the issue, I wasn’t in the mood to watch WKRP and it was disgusting- I’m glad that my wife cleaned it up.  For the record, my wife cleaned up my son’s eye and his morning diaper-that was the disgusting bit, not my son, wife and certainly not WKRP in Cincinnati.

‘I think you should take him to the doctor’, my wife said.  So Johnny Fever and I spent the morning doing as many peaceful, quiet things around the house as possible before heading to the doctor.

“Yup, he’s got pink eye and it’ll take two…”, our doctor said.  ‘Oh, two drops in his eyes’, I said.  No, the doctor meant two people to hold Linda Blair down whilst the drops are put in.    Unfortunately our doctor is not Hans Moleman and he was indeed correct that it would take two adults to hold 18 months of fury down.

A couple days on and we’re all thankful for modern medicine.  Those eye drops have magically turned our cyclopic baby into a stereo seeing toddler who is happy as a clam.

What dad learned

Pink eye, isn’t always a pink redness in the eye.  After a couple days, that may one of the symptoms of it, but catch it early in the mucus phase and you’ll be much better off for it.   Lastly, The Eye Book by Dr. Seuss is not a good template for learning about pink eye because the rabbit that his it was far too happy.

Doctor Dad is when dads become presented with a healthy issue.  ‘Doctor’ Dad isn’t really a doctor, but he is a dad.  This is medical advice or health concerns mixed in with parenting stories and fart jokes.  If you have a real medical question please call a doctor, unless this post solved your problem. *

*If this post solved your problem then you need to evaluate the scale of your problems.