Sleeping with Pat Benatar: Bald men have it easy

Recently my wife came home after getting a hair cut (female speak:  went to the stylist) and was more than a little bit bummed.  To me, her haircut looked fine, a bit shorter than it usually was, but it still looked great.  Husbands:  the preceding response is always your go to, even if it’s not true and in my case it was definitely true. 

I started shaving my head thirteen years ago but realistically I should’ve started four years before that.   During high school I told everybody that I “just had a high hairline, like Arnold Schwarzenegger”.  The ‘comb over’ style was never something I tried, instead I always had it cut super short, military style whoora.

After college I was doing odd jobs in radio and applied for an appearance in a hair replacement infomercial.   Because of my crafty ability to blither effortlessly on an off camera they quickly cast me as bald guy #3.  

I met the hair replacement people in their office so they could prepare me for ‘the process’.    Time has made me forget how they explained turning a toupee into a process, but that was the deal.  It was the finest brown, French hair that had been seamlessly woven onto a patch to be glued on my freshly low cut head.   During the shoot I also learned that people who had undergone the process with black hair may have received said product from a Japanese or Italian donor.

If you didn’t already know me, then I looked normal.  However, I felt like an extra on a remake of Daniel Boone, except my coon skin hat was shorter and glued to my head. 

See the formerly bald guy swim, play tennis and talk to girls!!  Witness his newfound confidence and professional successes, unlike that bald sap in the corner who looks like a vagabond and smells like rum.  So after shooting the demo scenes they asked me if I wanted to go to a local shopping mall to show people before and after photos.  We arranged for a slight bump in my already meager salary and it was off to the mall.

Excuse me, can I ask you a question?  Would you believe me if I told you that this was me just a couple days ago?  I said as I pulled out a photo of me before ‘the process’.   Was it a coincidence that I mainly asked attractive women?  No, consider the target market for folks who would undergo ‘the process’ and you’ve got a balding dude in his basement in his underwear writing a blog.  Note:  any similarity to said previous description in no way identifies Daddy Mojo. 

When the infomercial was done shooting I got to keep ‘the process’.    Unfortunately, my angst and self righteous mojo got the better of me and I threw it away once I got home.  In hindsight that would’ve been an awesome Halloween costume, in addition to being able to recreate scenes from the Star Trek episode, ‘The Trouble with Tribbles’. 
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6sypPpBQMwY&feature=related

Seven years after my experience with ‘the process’ I finally shaved it all.  Damn I’ve got a sexy bald head.  Ok, that wasn’t my first thought, but the wind on head felt great.  I also had buyers remorse on all of the haircuts received since college.  I never did see the entire infomercial on television, but I’ve never been to western Europe, maybe I’m a superstar there.