The world’s worst screen window

Baby Mojo has been waking up at night lately.  He had been sleeping for 7-8 hours, but with spring here we think he may be getting hot.  It's too nice outside for the air conditioning to be on, half of our windows don't have screens and money is too tight to get a new screen professionally made.  What's a stay at home dad with no time to do?

Technically, there’s nothing too difficult about the job.  Granted there is 0% chance of the screen window actually looking good when it’s finished, but at least it wouldn’t be challenging or take too much time. 

Measure twice, measure again, then cut once.  The surface didn’t have the area to allow for actually duct tape (damn it…), so I used some painters tape on the exterior of the screen against the window frame.  Screen window up, window open and Baby Mojo still woke up at 5AM.  His little diaper had reached the limit of its absorbency and little Mojo was at his wit’s end, poor little dude.

My jury rigged screen window at least allows for a cross breeze to go through the house.  It also has the added effect of a blue sticky surface that will trap some of the unlucky bugs.  Their screams of pain will warn the others not to approach this steel grid of security.

Does anybody out there have a hammer drill?  I needed one for a project a couple of years ago and my first thought was what the hell is a hammer drill?  It sounds like some monster hybrid tool that can cure cancer.  It’s best friends in the tool world are probably the grill router or pneumatic laser level.

I knew that I had to have a hammer drill.  When I got to the tool store I also purchased a reciprocating saw, which is equally as practical and also has a kick ass name.  That salesperson had struck novice home improvement gold.  If he said that all the rage in testosterone home improvement was a gas-powered alarm clock I would’ve signed up for that too.

Apparently I wasn’t the only one who would fall for manly sounding gadgets.  Did you hear that the federal government gave a Four Star Energy Rating to a gas-powered alarm clock, cleverly named Black Gold? Somewhere Jed Clampet is grinning at the gullibility of aspects of our government.

In my current reality, the hammer drill and all of these things sound like B-grade movies on Syfy.  They’re filming Sharktopus, recently showed Mega Piranha and will air MothMan in a couple of weeks.  You know you want to watch them, quit denying it. 

In a couple of years if they get really desperate they can shoot Screen Hole, the story about the world’s worst storm window and how it created a worm hole to another dimension.   I just hope they get Michael Cera to play me and not Shia LaBeouf.